It's been a While.....

In the year and a half since I last updated this blog; my life has changed drastically. I'm no longer that sad little girl who was so self absorbed in her own misery that she could not give a shit about anyone or anything else for that matter. Thank Fuck for that.. I don't want to be that person ever again. I still have my moments, we all do that's what makes us human.

I've since moved country, re-established my relationship with the father of my children, lost my mother; all for making me a better person in the end..

Onward and upwards so we say..

The Walrus & The Carpenter - Lewis Carroll

The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead--
There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"

"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.

"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"

"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.

The Scenic Route....

Do you ever feel like absolutely nothing ever goes right for you? OMG... Right now I just want to sit and repeatedly bang my head against a wall... and down copius amounts of the cheapest red wine I can lay my hands on.. They get you drunk faster and the hangover is more painfull so you remember you are alive..

Every single step I have made towards "my new beginning" has been riddled with potholes.. From issues to getting passports, police clearances, and now my health.. I'm starting to feel a complete and utter failure.. Whilst it may turn out to be absolutely nothing.. I have this huge deep uneasy feeling.. And I cannot drink to calm my nerves.. NO DRINKING before blood test.. Yes I am ranting.. I'm allowed to rant.. And since I have no near and dear friend or family member who actually give a flying fuck about whether I am still breathing in the morning; this is where I shall vent my frustrations..

Come on.. giggle with me, at me.. Makes me feel a little better..

Thats All......

The following was written by a very near and dear friend of mine.. I think it's absolutely beautifull and wanted to share..

I follow the steps I see In front of me
They are deep and well-defined
they show an undefined but straight path
What has gone through me will never return
future won't let me look back
I just walk, I don't evolve, I just walk
Animals return by my side
They try communicate, each one in its own way
But I can't understand
I feel alone on this irrational planet
To create or just observe
I keep waiting on this desert made of ideas

My head is heavy but empty
Everything around me is void, without movement
without perspectives
The night invades the sky
That darkness the dry ground
Making my shadow join the big stain thats forming
My steps on skulls of generations that have not formed
I hear painful cries of wars that are to come
To create everything again, from the beginning
To teach new minds
To awake a sleeping giant buried
On the ashes of disgrace
Its scornful the way I live
I look well, I think I'm well
Thats all...

This Thing...Called Life!

This thing called life is a figment of our imagination. It only exist within my mind. There is no beginning, and there is no end. Who is this “I” that questions everything. I feel sometimes as if I am getting close to the answer, and something pulls me back. The truth is within us all. Seek, and ye share find. I feel as if this is not real, and I’m going to wake up.

My Happiness....

I am far too happy & content to talk about all my drepressing life experiances right about now...

I'll leave with words to my song of the moment..

Seether - Rise Above This

Take the light, undarken everything around me
Call the clouds and listen closely I'm lost without you
Call your name every day when I feel so helpless
I've fallen down but I'll rise above this, rise above this

Hate the mind, regrets are better left unspoken
For all we know, this void will grow
And everything's in vain, distressing you though it leaves me open
Feels so right, but I'll end this all before it gets me

Call your name every day when I feel so helpless
I've fallen down but I'll rise above this, rise above this
Call your name every day when I seem so helpless
I've fallen down, and I'll rise above this, rise above this doubt

I'll mend myself before it gets me
(I'll mend myself before it gets me)
I'll mend myself before it gets me
(I'll mend myself before it gets me)

Call your name every day when I feel so helpless
I've fallen down but I'll rise above this, rise above this
Forty eight ways to say that I'm feelin' helpless
I'm Falling down, falling down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this,
Rise above this, rise above this doubt