Whilst I am average, I would not go so far as to say beautiful. I have long black hair and green amber eyes. The rest have seen better days. I have grown to love myself for who I am. I was born, I feel in the wrong time. I have had many lives none of which I remember. I have no doubt the knowledge will give me a fascinating insight to whom I am, this is a luxury I am not allowed. Those of us who are blessed to be able to remember, are amongst the lucky few. There are ways and means to remember, if I so chose. But if I were meant to know would I not remember. Sometimes we do not have the privilege of choices for a reason. I don’t argue this point. After all, the force at work here is far greater than I. And who am I to question this?
I have been told, and sometimes agree, that I cross examine certain aspects in my life. I try to accept the good and the bad as they come. We could all do with more good. I try to see the bad as lessons I am to learn or to right a wrong previously done in this life or my last. There was a time I would deal with the “bad” in the incorrect manner, thus rendering me a person whom I have come to loathe. I am in no way laying blame in what I am about to say, but; this is where I feel my parents did not grow me in a way. To deal with failure! If I were the person I am today ten years ago or less, I do not doubt I would have far exceeded who I am today. I took failure as just that. I failed, I could not find reason nor want to pick myself up and be proud of what I had tried to achieve. I chose instead to hide away, wallowing in self pity.
I was never a confident child. I would not surround myself with many friends. I learnt from an early age how vicious your peers can be. The need to fit in whilst growing up is so great you often forget the grounding principles you were taught. I was never one to “follow”. I preferred to be the person I was, seeing no purpose in trying to be someone I wasn’t. Keeping up a false pretence must be emotionally and spiritually exhausting. Friends as a result were few and far between, most of which you will learn about in the stories to come. Here again I refer back to the importance of parents in a child’s life. To teach them to understand and accept who they are.
Looking back, I do not stop to find fault in what I have done. I prefer to look at what my life has unfolded into thus far and look for lessons to be learnt along the way. This calls for some in-depth thinking at times though my memory serves to fail me in key areas I wish I could better recall. Whilst my childhood was content, I would not go as far as to say it was happy. I was largely misunderstood thus being branded a “problem” child.
I don’t quite understand how you can brand a child a “problem”. While certainly there may be in certain cases a learning difficulty or physical disability; we must remember our children are a manifestation of ourselves. Though we teach right from wrong and grow them emotionally their young minds are forever aware of their surroundings. What you might witness today may be your distant memory tomorrow, they might hold on to that memory which may or may not affect them in years to come. I will not continue to drivel on how a child learns from those around him. I am sure we all know. I would like to point out that my child being branded as a “problem” child would surely mean I myself was a problem? Misunderstood would be the correct terminology I think.
Have you every looked into someone’s eyes? Really looked? The windows to the soul! I see people everyday, with the false pretence of happiness, fulfilment and success. I say false pretence; because if you look into their eyes they show no emotion. They are empty, dark and unhappy. I have learnt to read people through their eyes. They say a lot about a person. We cannot control what our eyes say. I feel it is our soul’s way of communicating. Think me strange if you must. I do not mind. I have accepted my differences with those of you around me. I do not wish you to believe what I say or to alter your own beliefs, but rather to share what I know. Even tired eyes cannot hide the emotional turmoil of your soul.
Why do we choose to walk around with false pretence? The effort of keeping up false pretences are not worth the burden we bear. Society is largely to blame. Others will not accept or associate themselves with someone they feel to be beneath their status. What is status anyway? And who are we to grant ourselves “status” in life. We are all sharing the same sacred space, and correct me if I am wrong, but none of us is above the other no matter whom we are. I have no status, nor do I require status. I have achieved nothing spectacular in my life. Those of us who are so quick to judge should perhaps judge ourselves and our characters before we lay judgement. We are all guilty. We pass judgement on the man begging on the street corner, deeming him lazy to work, or perhaps he is an addict. Should we take the time in our precious lives to find out his story, you may learn something very different from what you thought.
I will admit, I am one of those amongst many who so caught up in my own world takes time to really see those around me. We allow ourselves to believe that the quick visit to a sick relative or the rushed Sunday morning at church makes us a better person. I beg to differ. Whilst as I have said previously I am far from perfect, I would rather not choose to walk around with false pretence to make me a better person. I hate nothing more than those of us who think that because they attend every Sunday morning service, maybe evenings too that they are by far a better person than the next. Your faults lie within who you are. And nothing and no one but yourself can change your faults. Attending church does not forgive you if you repeatedly mistreat yourself and those around you. Do not take my using church as an example incorrectly. But rather see a point I try to make....
to be cont....
No comments:
Post a Comment