It’s raining today.. it’s been raining most days for the last 7 weeks. I do not mind.. I love the rain..
This will be the beginning; I think. I think too much sometimes; and never put to paper what I feel. It makes sense somehow. I always find answers but can never recall them when I need them most. Strangely, I don’t think I am meant to. If we all had the answers we would have no questions.
As is life, every story has a beginning and an end. What unfolds in-between is up to us. Though we cannot change our destiny, we have the ability to choose our own path. It’s not always easy, faced with choices sometimes we don’t understand. After all how many times has the question “what if?” been asked? Destiny! Is there such a thing? Is our life after all written before we are born? So no matter how we may try to alter the course of our lives is it not perhaps inevitable at the end?
I live in a fucked up world. It’s as simple as that. You might disagree; I leave that decision to you. I witness many things I do not understand. At times I sit and look in the mirror and question my existence. I find I can hold an intellectual conversation with someone who best understands. Me! Which; brings to mind visions of white padded cells and men in white coats. Laugh, if you must; but do try it sometime. You have heard the saying “you cannot love another until you love yourself”. I find the statement to be true. If I cannot converse intellectually with myself, how must I with someone else.
Whilst appearance is left to chance; based on what we are blessed with. We; thankfully, determine whom we ultimately become. Granted, good looks are an added bonus, though you will find you cannot achieve success on appearance alone.
This is my first time at writing so forgive me if I seem a little erratic at times. I prefer my thoughts kept private and personal. Yet I feel by sharing them, as fucked up as they may seem; may better assist someone as myself in their own desire to learn what it is they are to achieve. I have not doubt that I am here to serve a purpose. I might never know what it is, or when it will be achieved. Nor do I warrant wasting time trying to pinpoint what or when it may be.
My thoughts become a tad confusing at times. I often cross question what seems like a logical answer. The easy answers may not always be the correct answer. We all take the easy way out, I am just as guilty. Yet I learnt the hard way, that what seemed to those around me as the easiest way out was in fact one of the hardest. To err is human, yet I find it fascinating at how consumed people are in mistakes others make. Does it make you feel better?
I am not a perfect person. I am as far from perfect as you are. We all lead the pretence of having the perfect life, perfect home, perfect partner and perfect children. Do we know why? Does it make you feel better knowing that no one else is aware of your pain? Your shortfalls? Your lack of skill? They say each one of us is born with a gift. I don’t think our talents are imprinted into our spirit and soul when we are created. Your gifts will develop naturally as you grow. How you choose do develop those gifts is entirely up to you. None of us lack talent. What we do lack however is perhaps the knowledge and know how to develop those talents. This is naturally determined by your parents.
Let’s face it, you either have it or you don’t. Being a parent you are wholly responsible for the person that you have created. The values and principles you instil in them will ultimately define the person they are. Values will be the most important, along with self respect, respect of others and so forth. Some of you may beg to differ. What I believe are the most important factors in a child’s up bringing may not necessarily equal yours. I try in my own children to develop those areas I feel were lacking in my own upbringing. Many would disagree with me on my choice of emotional building characters, only in observing my children will I know if the right choices were made. I always remember however, that each child is so different from the other. What I may deem an important area for growth in one, the other may naturally posses. I look at each child as an individual and not a replica of myself to achieve what I feel I myself lost.
to be cont............
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